Habits of Being

I was thinking this morning about habits of being. These are the little habits we inherit from our loved ones; waking up to a cup of coffee every morning, or listening to classical piano music to fall asleep at night... Whatever the habits, they inform who we are being. More importantly, to this author, they reflect directly on our interactions with others on a daily basis.

If we are in the habit of waking cheerfully, with energy and enthusiasm for a new day, our habit of being will impact the others around us on a daily basis. If, on the other hand we are in the habit of waking up grumpy and insolent, then our being will have another effect on those around us. Not being a parent, I can only surmise that the habits of being reflected for ones children influence the habits of being those children acquire.

The above thoughts on habits of being became obvious to me this morning when my nephew woke up, the first morning as a guest in our house for the summer, and I saw in his morning reaction a glimpse of his father, and a glimpse of my father (his paternal grandfather) as well. There was some slight evidence of habits of being that, perhaps, got passed on from grandfather to father to son. Curiously, my nephew snapped out of the habit when he began to interact with me.

I was reminded of a conversation overheard at school yesterday where a student previously unknown to me approached my professor to request a grade review. While this process is not unheard of (architecture school is notoriously subjective when it comes to grading), it was intriguing to me. The student essentially wanted a revision of all his previous quarter's grades. Admittedly, I know nothing about this student's circumstance or talent or ability. So for me to opine without expertise is bad form. Suffice to say that the habit of being represented in this encounter was intriguing to me.

I thought about approaching an instructor for a grade review once. I had misunderstood an assignment; though it was fairly clearly spelled out in the course syllabus. I had relied upon my understanding of the assignment without reading the detail in the syllabus. As a result I didn't properly complete the requirements. And further, as a result, I didn't get the grade I thought I deserved. So for a moment, I considered asking for a review.

It was then I realized that the grade I got actually accurately represented the effort I made. It was my first quarter back at school after some 30 years. I was confused, I didn't make a special effort to understand, and I was graded accordingly. So I learned to make an extra effort to ensure that I read, and re-read the course syllabus each and every time; and whenever an assignment is provided. In this way, I have learned a great deal more, and pushed my self to be on top of the many requirements. I guess one could say it has become a habit now.

Habits of being have great impact on the interactions we have with others. And this is true whether one is interacting with loved ones, family members, or someone driving next to you on the notoriously impersonal Southern California freeway system. The curious thing about habits of being is that we acquire them so unknowingly. And we exhibit them, for the most part, without knowing they are there. Only when one is in the position to freely examine their habits can change occur. Occasionally, we get a glimpse that changes everything.

Habits spread like a virus. One day, the word "cool" as an expression of completeness, or of praise for circumstance, crept into my awareness. Now I realize I use it as if I was born in Southern California (which as a Midwesterner, growing up, seemed to be the epitome of "cool"). Still, it feels odd to know that I am a fifty-something professional interior designer and using the word "cool" in this way now seems a little funny to me. As habits go, it may not be the worst thing.

Ultimately, the real question is this: Do the habits of being we exhibit serve to improve our circumstance? ...or to degrade our circumstance?